Wow! Two posts in one day? AKA, Update time!

Since it's been literally MONTHS since I updated, I'm going to be all sorts of crazy and post 2 times in one day!

I am employed again! YAY! and about darn time!

Since April, I have been caring PT for a baby girl (C) born 1/10. She is adorable, energetic, allergic to naps, and will soon be sporting a pink helmet to correct positional placeocephaly.

And in 11 days I will start working a second PT job caring for B/G twins who will be exactly one month old when I start. They were born 5/10, and I have visited them once. They are both tiny, and based on their mom's reports, M (the boy) is a ravenous eater and A (the girl) is a talker. All I noticed was that they are really really tiny. M was 5 lbs when I saw them, and A was 4.5 lbs. I will have more info on them as I get to know them better. :-)

I also am still working on my postpartum doula certification, and went to a meet-up group of local pregnant women tonight to do some networking. It was interesting, and I did get to give out some business cards.

Changing jobs, mourning losses

Two months ago I was let go from a job I had held for 4+ years due to the economy. I cared for 2 girls and had been their nanny literally since they were born. I spent a good bit of time crying, mourning a sudden and dreadful loss of daily contact with 2 kids I loved so very much. Beanie and Buttercup were no longer in my care, and I worried about them.

I didn't miss the dysfunction that had infested the job. I didn't miss the crazy. And I felt guilty because I was enjoying not being involved in the 24/7 crisis mode, and that feeling of relief was so strong it almost overwhelmed the mourning I was going through simultaneously.

I got very lucky and found a new job quickly, due to a combo of changes in a friend's job status. I started caring for a preschool girl and a toddler boy this past week. I've known both of these children through my nannyhood network since they were about 3 months old, so we're fairly familiar with each other. Hopefully that will ease the transition pangs a bit, as they get used to me and I get used to them.

It's odd to get accustomed to a new job while still actively mourning a job loss. I find myself wondering what "my girls" are doing, if they have what they need, and even thinking about what I would be doing if I were with them , instead of at my new job. I know I will like my new position, but the demands are much lighter, and the kids are generally less dependent, which leaves me at loose ends occasionally.

I also miss the girly girl atmosphere of my old job. I am sure I will eventually get more used to meeting the needs of a tomboy who loves bugs and reptiles and a toddler boy who mainly enjoys whacking things with invented weapons, but some part of me misses barbie, dress-up, and polly pockets.

In a way, being a nanny means knowingly opening your heart to eventual loss. If you love your charges, moving on is a grieving process that can't be ignored. If you are lucky, you will remain in touch with former employers and charges. There's not much that's cooler than getting to move from "nanny" to "friend" after you leave a position. I hope with all my heart that I will have the chance to be a friend to Beanie and Buttercup. I hope their parents recognize and accept that the girls have experienced a loss as well, and that the pain of that loss can be muted by maintaining a relationship.